Fun times...

Funny story, the other day at VS, this man asked me if I had a boyfriend. I said,"No" though the thought of me lying did cross my mind. His response why not, my thought well if I knew that I'd probably have one or could give you a decent answer. Instead I kept trying to help him pick something out for his girlfriend, but really wondering why people ask that question. In the end he picked something out and then asked if I liked it. I said yes because I wanted the sale to end, but he then asked if I wanted one. Oh boy I could have gotten some free stuff from a random man. Oh how I wish the stories would end there but I have more or even just quotes.

A couple days later, another man was so honest that it made me blush and laugh really hard. then a detective asked if I had a boyfriend and well I wanted to just say stop asking that question. But instead he said, "Well if you did what would you wear to seduce him?" Oh may that was a great question but in so many ways was just too much for me to handle.

All this has made me think that someone should teach men how to buy lingerie or not be so awkward in the store...

Saturday

Sitting around on a lazy Saturday and just thinking how much time I waste on a regular basis. And yet here I am sitting here on the computer once again, which is not even mine. But I'm here again wondering what i have to say or what's on my mind. Recently it's been a lot of what does God want from me and how can I better trust him? Then I think why is it so hard to trust the one who made me and has never let me down? It comes down to that my nature is to trust myself and put me at the center of my world and it's very small. If I put me there it makes the world smaller and well that's not how we were created. So how can I see the world through God's eyes better? First I have to radically remove myself from the center everyday. Because everyday the first thing I think about has to do with me and even when I am trying to focus on God, I get side tracked by what is going on my own mind or the day. It is through the death of Jesus that I have been saved and now know my maker. Show me how to live like this!

Thoughts on missing...

I've been thinking a lot recently on missing, and what does it mean? Right now I am missing home more than I thought I would, I am missing my brother, sister in law, sister, mom and dad as well as the five dogs around. I am also really missing that my oldest brother is on work release and I haven't seen him in a few years. I want to see who he is becoming and the man I always knew was there behind all the pain. God has been good and faithful in his life, all of me wants to see the change. But those are things far that if I decided tomorrow I couldn't handle being away from them I could get to them, but what about all the other things I miss or rather feel like I'm missing out on? Can I miss them too, where is the balance between living in the present, future and past?

Right now I feel like I'm learning to trust God with my life. I have no idea what or where he is taking me and most of me is scared. The biggest trust I am having to let go is knowing that even though I am on the other side of the country I will still be close to my family and friend from home. I am not very good at keeping in contact, I fall easily into living my daily life and knowing the people in this moment. For example I started this blog thinking it would be a good idea to keep some people updated on what I was doing far away, but once I got adjusted how quickly I left. It's a sign that I am happier in New England, but I still need to keep my ties to home strong. Where is the balance?

How much can I am miss before it becomes unhealthy? Let me enjoy what has been given to me today, is what I am truly trying to learn.

Wow one year....

Wow one year ago I left my home and started my four day drive to the east coast. It blows my mind that a year has passed and so much has changed, and that I am still in the state of Massachusetts. I can't get over the fact that a year ago I was starting a small chapter in my life, that I thought would last only a few months till the end of June. In fact I told my mom and dad, "Oh I'll be home at the end of June and it won't be forever." Well sorry mom and dad I guess God has other plans for me. Funny too that few months ago and when I first moved here I said I'd only stay for a good job, ironic I'm still in the hunt for that "good" job. Interesting too that my senior year of college I told people that I never wanted to live far enough away from home that I couldn't get there in a good days drive, especially if I have a family. Now I live on the other side of the country and maybe a good days fly would get me home. Also the fact too that I said I wanted to go somewhere and be away from people that new me so I could challenge my faith. Since New England I have been challenged, and learned to fully trust God or at least realizing I can't do this life on my own. I have always wanted to be challenged spiritually so that I would know who God is and know that I could believe when it wasn't easy. If you took the girl that left that day September 6, 2008 and told her I would stay in the Boston area for a church, she may have said yeah right. As much as I could lie to myself I have selfish desires that come before God.

Now one year later, here I am in Woburn, MA starting a journey with Genesis, with out that elusive "good" job, doing AmeriCorps for another year, working at Victoria's Secret, and realizing that what I want is not always what God has planned. So as I look back, I see that New England is not a short 9 month chapter of my life, it has become a year, and who knows how long. It has been my growing up year, and seeing that life is not easy, that God will provide for me in rent, food, friends, and more ways than I could ever imagine. He has shown me that I love my family and friends from the west coast, but sometimes he asks us to give up our wants. He is teaching me how to truly love the unlovely, and how to die to myself daily. He is teaching me to ask the question what do you want from me, Lord, because I can give him an idea of where I'd rather be, but is that in your plan. He continues to show me that I am a sinner saved by grace, and that he loves me. Ultimately he is in the process of refining me and becoming a woman who in everything she does, glorify s and worships God.

One year changes a lot, and I can't wait to see where he takes me next whether he calls me to the Boston area, or the west coast, but for now I will soak up every minute of every day, and praise him because no matter what he is my sustain-er and provider. One year ago I got on I-90 and traveled east not knowing what would lie ahead...

Long time

Wow it's been a long time... Which is a good thing considering I've been really happy. I'm begining to like New England, though it is not the good, beautiful, and amzing Northwest, but it is my new home. I think, or rather I know it is because I'm meeting new people, have found a church, love my housing situation, and am finally feeling like I belong. But now I need to think about what's next... Nothing is permenant and I'm discovering I'm an adventerous soul, probably should have figured that out when as a child I loved upside roller coasters before I ever tried them or was scared by excited by life... 24 and finally realizing I have a spirit full of adventure. That's probably why I'm alwasys day dreaming about life, what happens next, who am I going to meet, where will I be and everything. So if anyone has any good ideas on what I should do next please let me know... :)

Four months and a new place

I went home for Christmas and New Years (so good)! It was good to go home and I miss the northwest. I miss the trees, and mountains! But I am where I'm supposed to be for now and can go on adventures. Someday I will look back and think wow I lived near Boston or whatever else I may do. That is exciting! There are many more adeventures in store for me I can already tell. The best part is that I can take these risks and adventures.

The new adventure for now is that I have moved. I live close to work and can walk now if it's not snowing too much or if I don't have to go to Victoria's Secret. The house that holds the apartment was built in 1778 or something. So I have wood floors and it it has all these uneven floors. My room has a fire place that doesn't work, but I've always wanted a room with a fireplace. I like my roommate(s) (one isn't there very much so I haven't seen her very much, but the other one seems nice. There are also two cats well three actually but one is upstairs most of the time. Now I'm just getting adjusted to a new living situation and so far loving it. I'll put pictures up sometime.